Quisling traitor Remoaners who can’t get over losing are somehow to blame for all of this, it has emerged today.
Remoaners tricked the Conservative party into appointing a known serial liar to the highest office in the land, and then cunningly pulled the wool over the voters eyes so they would elect him again, all to undermine any chance of making Brexit the glorious success it would otherwise be.
In an operation of dazzling complexity and secrecy, the elite metropolitan liberal Remoaner cabal then fooled hundreds of Conservative MPs into giving their own candidate enough rope to hang himself over and over again, before conspiring to have him replaced with an economically illiterate simpleton with all the staying power and gravitas of a week-old lettuce.
“I’ve been such a fool,” said Brexit-supporting MP William Simons.
“All those statements I made about Liz Truss being the best person to lead the country under the hashtag #TrustLiz, were, I now realise, the result of a campaign to trick me into poisoning my own wishes.
“Me, and everyone I know, were so utterly taken in by the Remoaner menace that we spent years supporting a self-serving serial bullshitter under the impression that it was our idea, before neatly pivoting into the unqualified support of a demonstrable moron.
“And after all of that, now they’ve inveigled the Prime Minister into falling on her sword, all to make Brexit look bad.
“Damn you, you brilliantly subtle, sneaky Remoaners!”
However, others disagreed.
“I wish I’d known we were so efficient,” said Remoaner Simon Williams.
“If we were genuinely capable of the level of competent organisation and subterfuge of which we are accused, then we’d have won the referendum.”