Windfall tax announced for anyone with enough money to set off fireworks in early October

The government is set to announce a new windfall tax targeting those twats who have enough money to continually set off fireworks in early October.

With the number of dickheads setting off fireworks in October gradually increasing each day, a new ‘twat’ tax has been approved today by the new chancellor Jeremy Hunt aimed at people who have enough money to pay £50 in order to hear a loud bang when it isn’t even bonfire night. 

Commenting on the windfall tax earlier, firework enthusiast and local prick Simon Williams raged, “This isn’t fair, we are being punished just because we are arseholes.

“Obviously we have money to burn, literally, because that is what we are doing every evening by paying loads of money to set off fireworks late at night when bonfire night is literally weeks away.

“But that shouldn’t mean we should pay extra tax to the government, just because we enjoy pissing our money away by watching a momentary flash of light and listening to a loud bang.

“We are already paying a fortune for the fireworks just so that we can annoy people with small kids and pets by setting them off at about 11pm, but to pay even more than the extortionate amount we already piss away for nothing just isn’t fair.”

Asked if he will perhaps stop letting off fireworks until at least the start of November we were told, “No, because I’m a dick.”