Government set to… oh god, I don’t know, she’s mad, the whole thing is mad, how am I supposed to satirise this?

Well, I don’t know. I get up, have a nice cup of coffee and settle down to write some amusing yet gently thought-provoking satire, but how are you supposed to satirise this? The whole thing’s mad.

Any other day, I might start with, I don’t know, an amusing idea of a dog being made Home Secretary and use that idea to illustrate that a PM is struggling to find enough competent ministers to fill a cabinet. But with this lot, a dog being made Home Secretary would only be the fifth maddest thing they’ve done since breakfast.

I mean, Jeremy Hunt as the new Prime Minister, but still keeping Liz Truss as a sort of pretend Prime Minister? Why? Because she’s a unifying figurehead that everyone can rally behind? Are they all high?

The whole thing is that mad that I’ve had to do one of those meta bits of satire about writing satire which initially seems quite a clever idea, but by the fourth paragraph you realise is actually quite tiresome and not very funny.

So, sorry about that, but come on, what am I supposed to do here? For all I know, by the time this comes out she could have sold Suffolk to China to help fund tax cuts for Barons, and that’ll make a dog being made Home Secretary seem quite normal.

So, let’s give this up as a bad job, see if everything settles down a bit today and then tomorrow we can do, I don’t know, ‘Liz Truss to shore up support amongst base by invading Belgium’. People like articles about invading Belgium.