Tories set to reaffirm reputation as ‘party of fiscal responsibility’ with emergency statement from their fourth Chancellor in fourth months

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This week’s Chancellor of the Exchequer Jeremy Hunt is set to release an emergency statement on his predecessor’s budget, reaffirming his party’s position as the party of fiscal responsibility.

As the fourth Chancellor since the start of July sets out to completely reverse the decisions made by his predecessor last month, the Tory faithful have been quick to reassert their credentials as the party of fiscal responsibility.

Backbench MP Simon Williams told us, “The saying ‘you can’t trust Labour with the economy’ is as true today as it was the day we made it up – because no matter how disastrous our own economic management is, we can always – and I mean always – hallucinate an alternate reality where Labour have actually done an even worse job.

“For example, since Brexit we are now the sick man of the G7, we have the slowest growth of any major economy, we are the only major European economy still smaller than before the pandemic, our inflation is higher than our European neighbours, our currency is at a historic low, interest rates are rising and we’re in the midst of a cost-of-living crisis affecting millions of taxpayers – BUT – I can safely say that if Labour were in charge we would have all of this AND there would be more migrants.

“See how easy that was? It comes naturally to all Tories. There is no economic calamity we can bring upon ourselves that isn’t a whole lot worse in the hallucinated reality where we imagine Labour are in charge.

“And do you want to know the best bit? There are millions of Tory voters who are just dying to believe us. Honestly, it’s great being a Tory MP in a constituency where voters will trick themselves into believing any old nonsense.”

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