Liz Truss unable to afford the interest on borrowed time

author avatar by 2 years ago

The cost of borrowing time to remain in Downing Street is now completely unaffordable for Liz Truss.

It looks like Liz Truss is going to pay the price for rising interest rates – not just on money, but on the time she’s borrowed to avoid being ousted from Number 10.

Bank of England spokesman, Simon Williams explained.

“The Bank of England sets interest rates on time,” he said. “Yeah, I suppose that is a bit weird when you think about it, but trust me, that’s just the way it works.

“The rates are calculated using extremely sophisticated models which take into account the time value of time.

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“Any decision to increase rates is always taken in the national interest – because primarily, we seek to stabilise the nation’s economy.

“We have therefore taken the view that it would be best for the country as a whole if Mrs Truss gets evicted from Downing Street as a result of being unable to keep up the repayments on the time she rather recklessly borrowed.

“To be honest, I blame the lender. I mean, who on Earth was prepared to offer her a 100% temporal mortgage when she quite clearly doesn’t have the intellectual capital to pay any of it back?”

Ms Truss has reacted angrily to the interest rate hike.

“The Bank of England is simply part of the anti-growth coalition,” she said in an unmemorable monotone.

“Sometimes you need to speculate time to accumulate time.

“No, I have no idea what that means but I’ve said some words so hopefully the markets will react favourably.”

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