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Senior Tories are holding talks about replacing Prime Minister Liz Truss with literally f**king anyone else in the country.
“I think that, sadly, we have reached the point where literally f**king anyone else in the country would do a better job of being Prime Minister than Liz,” explained one Tory.
“Only last week, I found myself walking home from my constituency office quite late at night and saw a drunken youth wearing a giant minion hat trying to shit in a bin and I’m reasonably certain he would make a better prime minister than Liz Truss. If I had his number, I’d call him now.”
Tory supporters appear to support the plan.
“Well, I think we’ve given Liz a fair crack at the whip,” explained Simon Williams, a Tory supporter and professional maniac from Chelmsford.
“But I think that, really, the time has come to replace her with literally f**king anyone else in the country, a four-year-old child, that woman who put the cat in the bin, even someone’s pet goldfish. Literally f**king anyone else. That’s who we really need. Anyone. Anyone else.”
As yet, although many are agreed that literally f**king anyone else in the country would make a better prime minister than Liz Truss, a suitable candidate has yet to come forward.
It is understood that Kwasi Kwarteng had volunteered for the job, and although Tories would be happy with literally f**king anyone else in the country, they’re not that desperate.
Twatspotting #2 – Liz Truss edition
