Larry the cat accused of being part of Anti-Growth Coalition after shitting in Liz Truss’ slippers

author avatar by 2 years ago

Although traditionally an apolitical figure, the resident feline at Number 10 Downing Street has found himself lambasted by Tory ministers as being part of the “anti-growth coalition” following an incident where he defecated in the PMs favourite pair of Ugg Scuffetes.

Simon Williams MP, Junior Minister for Name-calling Stinky Meanies, denied that the accusation of being anti-growth was meaningless and that it was important that the public know that Larry the Cat was conspiring to hold Britain back.

He went on, “Liz Truss has a brilliant plan to send our GDP soaring and the only way it will fail is if it’s sabotaged by a shadowy conspiracy of people dedicated to national impoverishment for reasons we won’t explain.

“That conspiracy includes Keir Starmer, the SNP, economists, the BBC, civil servants, the OBR, young people, educated people and felines who think three litter boxes is not enough.

“The anti-growth coalition is a very real thing and certainly not a transparent attempt to compensate for our lack of competence by appealing to paranoid fantasies, of nebulous manipulators with unclear but nefarious motives, that had so far been the preserve of the far right.

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“Think about it, do you think it’s a coincidence that Liz Truss had to spend an hour scrubbing her left foot with a bleach solution the very same night she was contemplating a clever plan to boost the economy by allowing children to sell their kidneys?”

However, Larry the cat refused to comment on the incident stating simply that his role was a strictly neutral one and that it was vital it remain so, as unlike other residents of Number 10, he was still going to be here this time next year.

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