Vatican dismisses miracle claim after blind man sees right through Tory economic plan

author avatar by 1 year ago

Vatican officials have moved to dismiss claims of a divine miracle after a blind man claimed to see right through prime minister Liz Truss’ economic plan for the country.

A team of British ophthalmologists were perplexed when Simon Williams, who has been blind since birth, was able to offer an almost complete description of the current leader of the country and the motives behind her every move.

The Vatican-appointed Miracle Commission were informed of the ‘miracle’ and launched an immediate investigation into the case’s circumstances.

“Sure, Mr Williams gave a pretty good description of Liz Truss and the thinking behind her plan, but upon questioning, we quickly clarified how that information was obtained,” a Vatican spokesman told convened reporters.

“This man is living in a council flat consisting of two bedrooms when he himself was the sole occupant of the residence.

“He is also unemployed and on disability benefits.

“His flat is on the 22nd floor of a high-rise block, whose lift is working about as often as a recent 2:2 graduate.

“So, when Mr Williams tells you that Truss is a vainglorious disaster capitalist of questionable merit, whose sole goal in life is to destroy the last vestiges of civilised society by surrendering the needy to a life of lonely poverty and starvation in the never-ending pursuit of profits, he is really only telling us what anyone could deduce just by listening.”

The spokesman said as a result of the investigation, they had now identified a miracle of a very different type for consideration.

“It was clear to us that there was only one miracle at work here. The ungodly one that saw Liz Truss elected as the leader of the UK in 2022. I think this means we are one miracle short of the Canonisation of one Margaret Thatcher.

“Jesus Christ.”

Thick Lizzy – get the best-selling mug here!