Truss’ speech marred by the sound of multiple knives being sharpened

author avatar by 2 months ago

Liz Truss found herself massively distracted mid-speech today.

Addressing the Conservative party conference, the alleged “Prime Minister” was distracted variously by the glint of silver, the sound of metal against a razor strop, and the wheeling of a grindstone.

“I know we are off to an unconventional start… but… ah… sorry, a number of you appear to be sharpening knives, would you mind waiting…? How did you even get IN with those..?

“Rishi… mate, come on. Did you bring in an actual grindstone? That’s the most manual labour you’ve ever done in your life!”

A conference security guard commented, “I’ll admit we have dropped the ball here by letting 283 knives slip through security to be so brazenly sharpened in front of the Prime Minister.

“However, we challenged the first one and they assured me the knife-sharpening was purely metaphorical, as did the subsequent 282 carriers.

“As metaphorical knife-sharpening is a long-held tradition of the Conservative party, it seemed inappropriate to take any steps to prevent it.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the Liz Truss cabinet edition here!