“We’ve done the maths – I think we’ll piss it” Liz Truss to call General Election this week

author avatar by 1 year ago

Liz Truss is set to call a snap General Election this week it has been revealed, after working out with her team that the Tories should absolutely piss it, based on their recent performance. 

With the Tory Party conference taking place this week to celebrate all the recent success of their new leader, the Prime Minister and Chancellor have reportedly agreed to call a General Election immediately in order to ‘double down’ on their clear and obvious achievements. 

Speaking earlier, a spokesperson for the government confirmed, “We think it will be next Thursday, to allow for a few of days campaigning, not that we will need it.

“The Prime Minister is set to call a snap General Election this week, because she knows that we will absolutely piss it, having looked at the polls and done all the electoral maths with the Chancellor.

“Obviously she is aware that she does not need to call an election so early, but quite frankly, she cannot think of a better time to do it than while everything is going so demonstrably well.

“Both her and the Chancellor have spent a considerable amount of time looking at the opinion polls and working out the possible permutations, and the only outcome that they can see is a resounding Tory majority if they have the election in the next week.”

Asked if they have been holding the graphs upside down again we were told, “Ah, yes, Yes I think they are actually. Hang fire on this one.”

Thick Lizzy – get the mug here!