A scuffle has broken out at the Conservative party conference this afternoon.
The fracas reportedly erupted after a conference delegate accidentally let slip that he attended a state school rather than the traditionally accepted educational outlets of either Eton or, in a pinch, St. Paul’s.
“It was over coffee,” said attendee, Simon Williams, wiping the blood from his nose.
“We were all comparing investment portfolios while making jokes about foreigners and laughing heartily – y’know, classic Conservative banter.
“Then the conversation turned to schools, and someone asked Jay where he went, and he said “St. Davids”, and none of us had heard of it.
“Then we asked how much it cost to go there, as that’s how we judge worth around here. And he said ‘nothing’, and Julian immediately flew in with his fists.
“It was a bad move as Jay had gone to a state school so he was naturally better at fighting. He duffed up Julian pretty quickly.
“Then everyone jumped in, nobody knew why we were fighting anymore, we were just all hitting each other and doing massive damage to each other.”
Journalist, Elizabeth King, said, “You couldn’t ask for a better metaphor for today’s Conservative government.”