Government performs U-turn on willingness to perform U-turns

author avatar by 2 months ago

The government has announced a U-turn in its willingness to perform U-turns, before insisting there will be no more U-turns after their latest U-turn.

The government has announced a U-turn on plans to cut the top rate of income tax from 45p, in a move the Chancellor has been quick to label “more of an O-turn than a U-turn, as we’re back facing the way we started.”

Critics have claimed the latest U-turn is a further sign that we shouldn’t trust the words of people that we already shouldn’t trust, even when they say “trust me, I mean it this time”.

Political analyst Simon Williams told us, “If you thought a Liz Truss government could introduce sensible economic policy without making a few dozen mistakes in need of retraction along the way, then you’re probably still cleverer than most people in government office.

“Clearly all Kwasi Kwarteng needed was all those nice people online to point out how his ill-considered policy that was based a long-discarded nonsense economic policy was likely to create an even bigger gap between the rich and the poor in the midst of a cost of living crisis – oh, and to have enough room to perform a U-turn. Again.

“Of course, Tory spin masters will obviously insist this is not so much a change of mind, as the revealing of what was their original plan all along.

“But I’ll leave it up to you to determine how much of that is complete and utter bullshit.”

Poverty campaigners have welcomed the latest u-turn, insisting there are plenty of other things they could u-turn on now they’ve set the precedent.

Voter Dave Michaelson told us, “This is a positive move, definitely – but I can’t help wondering what else we could get the government to perform U-turn on, now that Truss and her cronies appear to finally be listening to experts.

“Christ, if they’d all started listening to experts five years ago we might have avoided Brexit altogether.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!