Liz Truss turns off targeting computer as Thatcher’s ghost helps her blow up British economy

author avatar by 2 months ago

The Prime Minister has chosen to ignore all the advice from financial experts in favour of a ghostly voice in her head.

Upon becoming PM, Liz Truss was presented with a summary of the UK’s financial position. 

“Look at the size of that thing,” she muttered to herself as she stared at a spreadsheet full of numbers and stuff.

Her immediate mission was to tackle the cost of living crisis. It was such a difficult task that only one solution suggested itself to her – blow up the entire economy.

She appointed Kwasi Kwarteng as Chancellor – she felt he was the best person to pilot the economy to catastrophic ruin. 

The PM herself would oversee the mission from the privacy of her hidden base at Downing Street.

As Kwarteng delivered his mini-budget, fear and uncertainty crept into his voice.

“I’m taking a lot of flak from financial experts!” he said.

“Stay on target,” said Truss.

“The Bank of England is warning us there’ll be a huge rise in interest rates!” said Kwarteng, beginning to panic.

“Stay on target,’ said Truss.

“The IMF says our plan will increase inequality!” screamed Kwarteng.

“Stay on target,” said Truss.

And then… silence. Kwarteng had crashed and burned. The PM would need to complete the mission herself.

As she hurtled towards the economy, a voice whispered in her ear. “Be forceful, Liz.” 

Thatcher! 

“Stick to your guns,” said Margaret’s ghost. “Cut taxes for the rich. The market will do the rest.”

Treasury aides became worried as the PM discarded their advice. “Prime Minister, why have you turned off your targeting computer? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” said Truss. “I’m fine. I’m absolutely fine.”

Boom.