Liz Truss announces plan to privatise local radio

author avatar by 2 months ago

Liz Truss has announced plans to privatise the local radio industry, to ensure its more effective operation under the control of a few friendly non-dom billionaires.

After a disastrous morning spent being torn asunder by various regional journalists who had the temerity to ask the sort of questions the public would like answered, Prime Minister Truss has wasted no time in searching for a ‘fix’ to her latest problem.

Truss was heard telling one of her aides after the series of local radio interviews ended, “Privatise it, I don’t care how, I don’t care about the details, I just want those radio stations in the hands of capitalists by the end of the year.”

It is expected that there will be no formal bidding process for the local radio franchises, which will instead be handed lock stock and barrel to whichever Tory donor asks the nicest.

Media mogul, tax exile and Monaco resident, Simon Williamson-Smythe told us, “I’ve always fancied owning a local radio station or two, it will go well with my national newspaper and television station.

“I’m always looking for new ways to tell the plebs how to think, and owning something that has only just recently earned the reputation for being tremendously competent would make a nice change.

“It’s always good to find a new voice for things I want to say, and if my worldview happens to align perfectly with the views of the politicians I’ve funded, then so be it.”

Thick Lizzy – get the best-selling mug here!

Based on an idea by Dylan Yates