British economy spotted for sale in the middle aisle of Lidl

author avatar by 2 months ago

The entire UK economy is on special offer amongst a load of other random crap in the middle aisle of the Neath branch of Lidl.

Going to Lidl is a very different experience since Liz Truss became PM and Kwasi Kwarteng announced the government’s mini-budget.

Lidl user Simon Williams talked us through what is now a typical shop.

“The first thing you notice is the trolleys,” he said. “Last week you needed a pound coin, but now you have to stick a tenner in the slot to release one.

“Entering the store, you come to the bakery. Weirdly, all the prices for bread are actually in other types of bread, rather than sterling, because a bartering system of payment is now in place. 

“This means that a medium white loaf costs half a pain au chocolate, while a bagel costs two and two-thirds crumpets. All a bit confusing, to be honest.

“In the fridge section, the Lurpak is now so expensive that the tubs are housed in a large glass case which is flanked by two dedicated security guards – a bit like the Crown Jewels.

“Then there’s the middle aisle. I almost didn’t notice it at first, but in amongst the hedge trimmers and 3D Paw Patrol jigsaws, there it was – the entire British economy. It was packaged in a slightly crushed cardboard box emblazoned with a sticker saying, ‘When it’s gone, it’s gone.’

“Obviously, I didn’t buy it – I’m not one to waste money on useless shit.”

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