Working-class Tory delighted with his £30 a month tax cut strangely quiet about his mortgage payments increasing by £300 a month

author avatar by 2 months ago

The government’s new economic policies designed to give working people more of their money is going swimmingly, according to any working-class Tories with a mortgage today.

Simon Williams, a father of three earning £35,000 per year, is delighted that the government’s newly announced tax cuts will allow him to enjoy an extra £30 per month to spend on lavish lifestyle excesses, but only from April next year. 

He told us, “I’m glad the government is letting me keep more of my money, that’s how it should be, and I’ve been wondering how to spend what will be almost an entire tenner a week from April – it’s a real brain teaser to be honest.

“Maybe a litre or two of fuel for the car? Or paying for the central heating to be turned on for 20-odd minutes a day? It’s a difficult decision, but certainly a nice one to have.

When asked about his tracker mortgage, Williams was more circumspect.

He went on, “The fact that my monthly mortgage payment will be £300 more per month when my deal runs out in November is likely to be a bit of a problem, yes. But that’s not Liz Truss’ fault. It’s the fault of Russia, Ukraine, the weather, the BBC, Remainers, and Keir Starmer.

“I can’t articulate exactly why they are at fault, just rest assured that they are.

“I voted for Liz Truss and I fully back her perfectly sound economic policy that is giving me an extra £30 a month. It’s just a shame all the anti-British saboteurs are taking another £300 off me. They should all be in prison, which will probably happen if that lovely Suella Braverman gets her way.

“But if the worst does indeed come to the worst when my mortgage deal expires, it gives me an opportunity to ask one of life’s fundamental questions – How many kidneys do you really need?”