New Chancellor Kwasi Kwartang has admitted today that he may have been holding his calculator upside down by mistake for at least a month.
With the country now absolutely fucked due to the financial decisions both he and Liz Truss have made, Kwartang has looked to defend his position today claiming he may have actually got a couple of sums wrong due to an error in the way he was looking at his calculator.
Speaking earlier he revealed, “It’s one of those scientific ones you get when you go to secondary school with a little screen, so I got a little confused.
“Unfortunately, it appears that some of the major decisions I have made using my calculator affecting the finances of a whole nation might be a bit out, because I was holding it upside down. All the graphs and stuff that were going up, were actually going down.
“It’s a simple mistake really, because it has lots of complicated symbols on it such an ‘equals’ sign, and subtract and stuff, it can all get a little confusing.
“So all of the big sums I did about how to stabilise the economy, are actually wrong I’m afraid , and we are now completely fucked.
“Thankfully I have managed to spot my little mistake just in time, and well before anyone really noticed and any damage was done.
“And now, as you can see on the screen, everything appears to b….. oh look I spelt BOOBIES.”