“Same old Tories, no more heating”

author avatar by 2 months ago

The British public has taken inspiration from a favourite footie chant to sum up the national mood.

After a mini-budget which has been variously described as “unfair”, ”tone-deaf” and ”shit”, anybody earning under £100k a year is looking to do all they can to relieve the stress.

“Same old Tories, no more heating!” chanted citizen, Hayley Rice.

“It’s true as well, we’ll all be gathered around a solitary candle this Christmas trying to keep warm, but at least the millionaires in the nicer part of town will get an extra bit of dosh next year.

“Maybe I can earn a bit of extra cash by going to clean one of their houses. They’ll probably have the heating on, so it’s win-win.”

Tory spokesperson, Simon Williams, said, ”That’s a very unfair chant.

“The Conservatives have ensured that you’ll only be paying twice as much for your bills than last year.

“And yes, that saving will be funded by the taxpayer, and yes, we’re doing that while abolishing the top rate of tax, and yes, a lot of you will still freeze this year… but… ah… sorry… I seem to have lost where I was going with this.”

The all-new Cabinet of Arseholes – Truss edition!