Dodgy bloke down the market selling pounds at 50p for two

author avatar by 2 months ago

The value of the pound has continued to plunge this morning, with a dodgy bloke down the market selling them at two for 50p.

“Oi oi, alright my lovelies, come here and see what I’ve got,” said Simon Williams, a middle-aged man with a suitcase full of pounds.

“I’ve got pounds here, loads of luverly pounds. Fresh as you like, crisp as… well, a crisp, and have I got a deal for you.

“I’m not selling these pounds for a pound each, I’m not even selling them for 75p each. Now, if I said to you, I’d sell you a pound for 50p, you’d bite my hand off. But I’m not, I’m selling two, count ‘em. One. Two. Two pounds for 50p, come one, let’s be having you.”

Mr Williams admitted that he was having difficulty selling all his pounds.

“You’re not wrong pal. I’d have an easier time selling Harry and Meghan dolls at a Royal Wedding. Been tucked up like a kipper. Bought a load of pounds last week, thought I could bang them out at a tidy little profit, but then Kwasi comes in with his genius new plans and all of a sudden I can’t even give them away.”

Market-goer Eleanor Gay decided not to take advantage of Mr Williams’ offer.

“No, love. What with things being the way they are, I’d imagine I’ll be able to get four or five pounds for 50p before the week’s out.”