Wednesday 21 September 2022

We can’t release the economic forecast because people will become too euphoric and overly excited, insists new Chancellor


Kwasi Kwarteng

Kwasi Kwarteng has refused to let the Office for Budget Responsibility release an economic forecast alongside Friday’s mini-budget, insisting it will be hard for people to concentrate on their jobs if they hear about how brilliantly everything is going.

The independent forecasters at the OBR have provided a draft to the new Chancellor, who has decided it is probably best for everyone if he just keeps it to himself.

A spokesperson for the new Chancellor told us, “It’s important that everyone stays focussed on the job at hand, and if they were exposed to the frankly brilliant economic forecast from the OBR then how could they be expected to concentrate on anything?

“There is such a thing as too much good news, and this would be it. So no, we’re not going to release the forecast. Instead, we are simply going to announce a raft of new measures to stimulate an economy that the forecast says doesn’t need stimulating, and to help struggling families who the OBR says won’t need helping.

“And we are going to do all that simply because we’re nice people.”

A source close to the Chancellor told us, “We’ve been very clear with the OBR, if they don’t include a line about economic growth being directly tied to the bonuses received by bankers, then it’s never being published again.”

Meanwhile, voter Simon Williams told us, “The OBR hasn’t got a forecast right in years, they are almost always overly optimistic, and generally favour the government and their current policies, so Christ knows just how bad the news is in this one.”

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