Tuesday 20 September 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Unwilling to face energy crisis, Ukraine war, and reality of the modern world, man demands more funeral


Man demands more funeral

A man has demanded more funeral to avoid having to face up to the realities of the mounting energy crisis, the war in Ukraine, the rise of the far right, and everything else going on in the world.

“I’m just not ready to deal with not being able to turn the heating on this winter and all that, so can we have another day of solemn pageantry instead?” said Simon Williams, who has yet to take down his funeral bunting.

“I know it’s been sad and everything, but a part of me has definitely enjoyed worrying about if Harry is going to wear his uniform, rather than trying to work out if I’ve got enough really thick jumpers to get me through January, and seeing everyone’s respectful jolliness in The Queue has quite put the potential for a nuclear flashpoint in Ukraine out of my mind.”

Mr Williams suggests having perhaps another week of funeral, just to give everyone a chance to ease back to reality.

“I think that would be lovely. More horses, parades, guns, Huw Edwards looking glum, the King getting cross with pens, all that. It’s just so much nicer than the reality of the world.”

Despite the popularity of Mr Williams’ pleas, the government has confirmed that there will be no more funeral this week.

However, if things get really grim in the coming months, the Government could well put on another royal funeral to cheer everyone up.

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