Friday 16 September 2022 by Lucas Wilde

Newsreaders really starting to struggle with maintaining constant sombre tone


news reader struggling to maintain somber tone

It’s day eight of the national mourn-a-thon and one newsreader is now really struggling to maintain the slow cadence and sombre tone required of anyone on television.

Simon Williams, lead anchor, did a sterling job in the first 24 hours following the Queen’s death, commentating with gravitas and sorrow.

”He’s starting to waver now though,” commented stage manager, Hayley Rice.

“Earlier on he slipped into the kind of jovial tone one typically uses for the whimsical story at the end of the local news- y’know, where a dog looks like Julian Clary or something.

“He pulled it back but it was touch-and-go for a minute. I’m just hoping that doesn’t happen again, the last thing we need is a small chuckle when we cut back to him from a shot of a tearful Prince Charles.”

Williams commented ”I’m sorry, alright? It’s really difficult to look and sound sad for THIS long over someone I don’t know.

“I’m a news reader, not an actor on Eastenders. My job is to deliver the news. If you want panache, hire Morgan Freeman for the next few days and I’ll go home.”

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