Friday 16 September 2022 by Mark Molloy

‘Call that a queue?’ says man who’s been to Alton Towers in the school holidays


man with folded arms

A man who has actually taken his children to Alton Towers during the school holidays is baffled today that people are calling the short line to see the Queen lying in state ‘a big queue’. 

Simon Williams, who also chose to go to the theme park in nice weather, made his comments earlier after seeing aerial footage which appeared only to show a small four-mile line of people which was constantly moving as opposed to the queue for Smiler, in which he was stood completely stationary for several days. 

Speaking earlier he told us “Absolute piece of piss that queue.

“I don’t know what people are getting excited about saying that it’s a really long queue. They obviously haven’t been to Alton Towers on 10th August with three children, and the rest of the world.

“That’s about half as long as the queue for Smiler, and probably the same as Wicker Man, and at least it’s actually moving which is more than I can say for the ones I was in.

“And don’t get me started on Euro Disney, I made the mistake of trying there too, at half term, it was complete and utter carnage, we only got on one ride.

“These mourners don’t know they are born. The queue is constantly moving, with people walking past in a hurry and quickly bowing their head.

“Not like frigging Oblivion, where you have to wait for loads of people to be loaded up, just so they can go on a 5-second ride, only to have to wait as they mess about getting them all off again.

“On the plus side, at least in the queue to see the Queen they haven’t started selling those rip-off Fastrack passes yet.”

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