Thursday 15 September 2022 by Chris Ballard

People queue for over two miles to see Queen’s coffin despite available self-service coffin


Bored people queueing

Mourners are insisting on queuing through the night to see the Queen lying in state, even though there’s a far more convenient self-service coffin to hand.

Members of the public are queuing for over eight hours in order to pay their respects to Her Majesty’s coffin. Why are they so determined to avoid the self-service coffin which was specifically installed to avoid such delays?

“All our mourners are free to choose whichever coffin they prefer,” said CEO of State Funerals, Simon Williams. “As long as they’re happy, we are happy.

“I understand that many people are concerned that the proliferation of self-service coffins will lead to widespread job losses and that, admirably, they would rather queue for many hours than support this trend.

“However, all self-service coffins mean is that staff can be deployed more efficiently and we can drive down the costs of our funerals.

“I also appreciate that some of our more elderly mourners don’t know how the self-service coffins work or are scared to try them. Again, our helpful staff will be on hand to ensure that respects are paid in the right place or that any unexpected items in the interment area are dealt with swiftly.”

Mourner Christopher James said, “You should be able to avoid a self-service coffin without having to queue for hours – Tesco funerals lay out another coffin if just one other person is ahead of you in the queue.

“These State Funerals need to up their game or I’ll have to start paying my respects elsewhere.”

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