Wednesday 14 September 2022 by Ant Harrison

We’ll tell you when you’ve done enough mourning, insists the BBC


BBC Mourning

The period of national mourning following the death of the Queen is scheduled to end on September 20th. Additionally, the Royal Family will remain in mourning until September 26th.

“The problem is,” insisted BBC presenter Clive Myrie, “They didn’t say which year, so we’ll be carrying on for as long as we can.”

Tim Davie, the BBC’s director general agrees, telling reporters, “If you think we’ve invested in all those dark suits and dresses to only use them for a couple of weeks, then you’re bonkers.

“These’ll last for years, and we’re in this for the long-haul. In fact, we’re renaming our daily magazine show ‘Morning Live’ to ‘Mourning Live’ to ensure the tradition lives on until something more interesting pops up.”

The BBC’s royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell commented he would be “Devastated if mourning ended before 2030.”

He went on, “Just imagine if we were unable to celebrate the tearful tenth anniversary of the moment that her majesty last used the loo at Paddington in 2018, the nation would be horrified.”

Patriotic citizen Simon Williams agrees with the BBC, explaining, “I want to remain in permanent mourning for as long as possible, preferably until the next royal death.

“Hey, maybe we could have a period of parallel mourning. I noticed that the Duke of Kent didn’t look too well recently, and although he’s only a minor royal, he’ll do.

“I remember him presenting the trophy at Wimbledon, and I always had a tear in my eye.”

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