We need a bigger TV to watch the Queen’s funeral, insists husband

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A man has tried his luck by suggesting to his wife that they need a massive new telly to appreciate the Queen’s funeral fully.

Simon has had the same TV for more than six months. Naturally, he’s therefore hankering for a bigger one.

“Fifty inches seemed ample when we bought it back in February,” said Simon. “But you soon get used to it, don’t you? I just think we need a bigger one.

“As I pointed out to my wife Karen, Monday’s funeral is a major historical event. How will we be able to appreciate the gravitas of the occasion unless we pop to Curry’s at the weekend and upgrade to a fifty-five inch?

“As it stands, we’ll barely be able to see the tears on the cheeks of the chief mourners. 

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“How will we be able to have an informed opinion about whether Meghan is wearing a wire if everything is a fifty-inch HD blur? 

“And we certainly don’t want to miss out on a glimpse of Nicholas Witchell’s day-long erection.

“No, a bigger telly isn’t something I want, but I’m afraid it’s something we need.”

Simon’s wife Karen said, “I know his game – in a couple of months he’ll want to change it for a sixty-five inch in order to ‘appreciate’ the World Cup.

“Tell you what Simon, why don’t we just sell our home and buy a fucking house-sized television?”

“Finally!” said Simon. “We’re on the same wavelength!”