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Coppers from Edinburgh to Westminster have moved the nation with their thoughtful and touching initiative to make sure the freedoms associated with the Queen’s life will be gently laid to rest over her coffin to accompany her into the afterlife.
Assistant Chief Constable Simon Williams, of the Metropolitan Police elite ‘Shut Up Hippy Task Force’, confirmed that all ranks in the police decided to give Elizabeth “a proper sendoff that no one is going to complain about. Or else.”
He went on, “She was an amazing Queen and was much loved by the rank and file. She always had a witty joke ready for when we let random nutjobs walk into her private chambers or fired off our guns into the floor of her train. Twice.
“So naturally we wanted to mark her passing, and what better fitting tribute than to take all the civil liberties she used to cherish so dearly and make sure they spend eternity with her? Buried underground.”
“I know some people want to hang on to the right to speak the obvious about Prince Andrew, or to hold a piece of A4 with your inoffensive personal opinion scribbled on it, but we think they will eventually appreciate having to hand those over for her Maj.
“Of course, if you don’t agree with this then you are perfectly free to say so. As long as you do it at an appropriate time and place and in a manner not likely to cause offence, which is of course at the discretion of whichever copper decides you’re being a bit of a nuisance.
“But don’t worry. If you know about our healthy banter culture then you know we are very good judges of what is decent.”
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