Prince Andrew is on the warpath today after Palace insiders revealed that he is not being allowed to bring a date to his mother’s funeral on 19th September.
The Queen’s funeral will take place next monday, and Andrew thought it would be an opportune time to spend some quality time with someone from the opposite sex who is a little bit younger than he is, especially now most of the schools will be closed.
A Palace source told us, “Andrew is insistent, if he can’t wear his full Admiral’s dress uniform, then he must at least be able to drape a teenager over his arm.
“For some unknown reason, he seems to think that as long as he stands next to Harry, then no one will care who is stood next to him, because the press will be too focussed on who is stood next to Harry.
“It got pretty heated, and Charles even floated the idea of chemical castration – which we have to report was not dismissed out of hand.”
Meanwhile, the press is already gathering in Windsor and brainstorming all the ways they will fill the column inches that aren’t being used to discuss Prince Andrew and the £12m settlement he paid to avoid being sued over child sex allegations surrounding Jeffrey Epstein.
Reporter Simon Williams told us, “Prince Andrew’s alleged noncing is a big story, but we probably won’t focus on it, not at this time of national mourning.
“Much better to devote twelve pages to all the reasons why Meghan Markle is determined to destroy the planet by flying across the Atlantic to be at the funeral.”