Swans form union

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Swans have taken advantage of the uncertainty at the top of their organisation to unionise and protect their rights moving forward more formally.

Swans, who are well known for being “possessions” of the monarch, have decided to unionise to ensure they are awarded proper employment rights including sick pay, weekends off and paid holidays.

Swan Simon Williams told us, “We are expected to be here at work 365 days a year, come rain or shine. There has never been any discussion that there might be a different way. We are effectively owned by our employer.

“Sure we get tipped pretty well by the public in terms of bread and treats, but do you really want to make a living effectively begging from the public? Why can’t we get a decent wage so we can have the dignity of buying our own bread and treats?

“I’m twenty years old now, and I’ve never had a day off. How can that be right in the year 2022? So yes, I signed up to join our new union and I would encourage all other swans to do the same.

“If you think we’re being unrealistic you’ll absolutely shit yourself when you learn how much our boss is worth.”