Thursday 8 September 2022 by Lucas Wilde

Queen losing will to live after meeting Liz Truss


Queen losing will to live

The Queen’s health is declining after her first conversation with Liz Truss.

Her Majesty met the newest worst Prime Minister in living memory only a couple of days ago.

“…and now it’s like she’s just letting go“ confirmed a palace spokesperson.

“I did hear her majesty mutter the phrase “fuck me dead” as Liz Truss left their meeting, but I thought it was an exclamation of extreme disappointment rather than a literal instruction to her own body.

“I mean, we were all thinking along similar lines when we watched the news, I’m sure. But possibly not to the extent that we wanted to leave this dimension entirely- although now I’ve said it out loud, I can see the appeal.

“Doctors are now keeping the Queen under close surveillance and are making sure not to turn on any news channels just in case Liz Truss pops up again.”

A Downing Street spokesperson said, ”No, Liz Truss is not a dementor and it’s unfair to suggest she is the reason for the queen’s declining health.

“It could just as easily be down to the fact she had to talk to Boris Johnson immediately beforehand.”

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