Monday 5 September 2022 by Lucas Wilde

“The white one” confirm Tories


Tories vote for the white one

The Conservatives have opted for Liz Truss to become the new Prime Minister of Great Britain, and that’s definitely a phrase we thought we would write one day.

In a choice between Rishi Sunak, a proven economic mind and potential election winner, or Liz Truss, who is most famous for saying the phrase “pork markets, Conservative members have picked the white candidate.

“I just prefer Liz, ok?” sniffed Conservative party member, Derek Williams.

“She’s got so many of the qualities that we have sought in our recent Conservative Prime Ministers; a complete lack of suitability for the job, the basic ability to wear clothes, and the faint whiff of being overly coached.

“Rishi seems a nice chap and all that but… I mean… you know…

“Oh don’t look at me like that. It was either him or a woman and so I grit my teeth and picked the woman. Surely I deserve some kind of credit for that at least?”

Conservative party spokeswoman, Hayley Rice, said “Yeah, thanks for that…

“We’re delighted to have Liz Truss in charge, in what we are already attempting to dub as “Thatcher 3: Thatch Hard With A Vengeance”, but it’s not really taking off as embarrassingly few of our members have seen Die Hard With a Vengeance at all.”

Derek Williams commented, “The third one has the black fella in doesn’t it? Yeah, I skipped that one.”

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