Thursday 1 September 2022 by Chris Ballard

Liz Truss to launch ‘Kill a Child, Not Your Speed’ campaign


Liz Truss to get rid of speeding laws

Crushingly inevitable Prime Minister Liz Truss is planning to get rid of ‘woke’ road safety laws.

Liz Truss will do anything to become Prime Minister and thinks nothing of increasing the number of road deaths in order to placate a baying mob of Tory party members who just don’t like being told what to do.

“I can definitely review all road safety laws,” Ms Truss told a group of rich white people who desperately wanted to be angry about something.

“Let’s face it – people break the speed limit anyway, so what’s the point in having one? We can start with motorways and then roll it out to smaller roads such as those next to schools.

“I’ll make sure the change is accompanied by a hard-hitting public information campaign based on the slogan, ‘Kill a Child, Not Your Speed’.

“But why stop at speed limits? There are other lefty safety laws which are holding back the value-generating entrepreneurs of this great nation.

“Seatbelts can do one, can’t they? How dare the state tell an individual that they can’t fly through their own windscreen?

“And what’s all this nonsense about having to drive on a particular side of the road? People are more than capable of working it out for themselves. If you crash and die, it’s your own fault for making poor life decisions.

“No more road laws!”

Like all her other asinine statements, this was met with a roar of approval from the Conservative audience.

Party member Simon Williams said, “This is a good start but there’s a long way to go before the legal system is completely dismantled and I can simply do whatever the fuck I like.”

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