Thursday 1 September 2022 by Dante Clarke

Arsenal reveal the secret to their success is to avoid playing anyone good


arsenal top of the table

Arsenal’s perfect start to the Premier League season is entirely thanks to their success in avoiding teams who are any good, the club has confirmed this morning. 

Arsenal’s transformation from a gutless bunch of chokers into resilient top-four contenders has left pundits stunned, especially those who haven’t looked at the opposition in any of their fixtures so far

Mikel Arteta’s side has currently beaten the likes of Crystal Palace, Leicester, Bournemouth, Fulham and Aston Villa to top the Premier League table. 

When questioned on there early season form compared to the previous season, and asked what the secret was, the Arsenal boss smiled chillingly.

“The trick is to play nobody above mid-table”, he chuckled.

“After being humiliated by Chelsea and Manchester City in our opening games last season, it taught us a real lesson. Playing good teams equals points dropped.

“We have corrected our errors this time around by taking on newly-promoted teams such as Fulham and Bournemouth and playing teams firmly in the bottom three like Leicester and Aston Villa.

“I am sure we can qualify for the Champions League as long as we don’t face Manchester City, Liverpool, Tottenham, Chelsea, Manchester United, or anybody in the top half of the table for that matter.”

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