Friday 26 August 2022 by Mark Molloy

Concern for Clarks as cost of living crisis means profits from sales of school shoes could to fall to just £200bn


show shopping for children

Concern is growing for Clarks today as the current cost of living crisis could mean that they only earn approximately two hundred billion pounds from school shoe sales this August.

Despite the queue outside Clarks now being visible from space, concern has grown amongst senior bosses that some parents might not be able to afford £120 for two pairs of school shoes for their kids this year, which are likely to be fucked by October. 

Store manager Simon Williams confirmed, “I’m worried. There’s only 538 in our queue today, and we’ve usually done that amount by 10am on a Thursday.

“We just hope that there is a final rush in the last week of the holidays to get these profits back to normal, which is about a million pounds a second.

“I’ve got fifty-four staff here waiting to deal with our customers, before we promptly lay them all off next month because we don’t need them anymore.

“So hopefully parents will realise that they need to have expensive new shoes for their children, to keep up with everyone else, especially if their child is going to a new school, as that always works.

“And then we can make shit loads of money and I can get a bonus.

“I bloody love August.”

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