Water bosses are facing an ordeal experienced millions of pet owners every day, after being told to clean up their shit using tiny plastic bags.
Dozens of water executives from around the country will be put on wooden rafts on faeces infested shorelines and told to clean up the shit using an assortment of tiny bags.
“Finally, a plan for the nations waterways that I can get behind,” explained voter Simon Williams.
“I never bought the whole ‘it’s too difficult to clean up the turds’ excuse being used by the water industry. Every dog owner knows it’s easy enough to clean up a turd – unpleasant, yes, but certainly achievable.
“I’m sure cleaning up thousands will be hard work, but let’s not pretend it can’t be done just because it’s not a nice job to do.”
Williams did admit he had one small area of sympathy for the executives, telling us, “I guess that being out on the water they won’t have any trees from which to hang the shitty bags? Shame.”