Thursday 25 August 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Climate sceptic think tank recommends huge pile of burning tyres


burning tyres

A climate sceptic think tank has recommended that, to combat a number of recently introduced green measures, a huge pile of tyres is built and then set on fire.

The influential think tank was formed to ‘examine the cost and consequences of measures to tackle climate change,’ and definitely not to promote an ideology of destroying the planet so that a handful of incredibly wealthy men can become slightly more wealthy.

“We think that, as in all thinks, balance is key,” said Jeremy Bastard, chairperson of the group, and actual demon.

“So, whilst electric cars, wind farms, and eating less meat are fine for people who want to promote the so-called ‘green’ ideology, for those of us who believe that this may be an unnecessary and costly course of action, it seems sensible to balance those policies out with a huge pile of burning tyres.”

The group suggests the tyres should be placed in a big field somewhere in the midlands, doused in petrol and then set on fire. It also suggests new tyres should be added regularly to maintain a consistent burn.

“For the moment, climate change is a theory,” continued Mr Bastard.

“Until someone can actually show me an ozone layer collapsing because of a car exhaust pipe, I think it’s a theory that is very much unproven.”

Other measures recommended by the group include making forests illegal, loads more cows and the reintroduction of the industrial revolution.

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