Wednesday 24 August 2022

Nation that made it illegal to leave one turd in a field seemingly comfortable with millions of turds on its beaches


Sewage pipes

As millions of turds find themselves floating around the nation’s beaches, many have questioned how this can be legal but you can get a fine for leaving a single dog turd in a disused field.

Simon Williams, who always carries a few small plastic bags in his pocket to collect his pets’ errant turds, told us, “I get that dog turds are pretty bad, but is one dog turd really worse than a million human ones?

“I can get a £100 fine for not clearing up the single turd from my smaller than average sized dog, but the turds from an entire town can be flushed out to the beach where people are on holiday – how is that fair?

However, a spokesperson for the water industry told us, “I can see how to the untrained eye it does appear – at first glance – that Mr Williams being required to clear up every single turd, while we can literally just wash them away into the sea, could be considered ‘unfair’.

“But that’s because such an analysis fails to include the proper context. Mr Williams does not have shareholders he has to keep happy, and as such he can afford the time and expense required to pick up solitary turds.

“Whereas if we were forced to clean up all our turds, we’d struggle to make any money whatsoever.

“Hope that clears it up.”

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