Sunday 14 August 2022 by Lucas Wilde

Ronaldo stood beside M62 with a sign saying ‘Anywhere’


Ronaldo hitchhiking away from manchester

Cristiano Ronaldo is willing to go basically anywhere at this point.

Following Manchester United’s 4-0 thrashing at the hands of Brentford, the footballing wizard is standing at the side of the M62 with a sign saying ”Anywhere”.

“Where are you going? Ah fuck it, I don’t care. Give me a lift, I’ll pay for your fuel.

“I just want to get out of here and I much prefer the musty smell of your Ford Fiesta than the stench of failure in the United dressing room.

“Where are we going, out of interest? Hm? Kettering, you say? Do they have a football team? Let me google… yes they do. Suits me. Drive on!”

Erik Ten Hag, Manchester United’s alleged manager, commented, ”We will miss Ronaldo, but we’ll be just fine.

“Yes, we are bottom of the table, yes, this is our worst start to a premier league season in 31 years and yes, Harry Maguire is still captain and yes, Harry Maguire is still in the squad at all… but…but… um… sorry… I was building up to something I swear… nope, it’s gone.”

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