‘It’s a three-year plan’ insist Manchester United, for the ninth consecutive year

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Manchester United have insisted today that their return to Premiership glory is a three-year plan, for the ninth consecutive year. 

United, who currently sit bottom of the Premier league after being beaten by both Brighton and Brentford insisted that fans should not panic earlier as the current run of form is all just part of a master plan, again.

A spokesperson for the club confirmed, “It’s fine, this is a three-year project, which just so happens to be taking about ten years so far.

“Everything is going to plan don’t worry, we will definitely win the Premier League and Champions League within the next three years.

“Granted we have been saying this since Fergie left nine years ago and are gradually getting demonstrably worse.

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“But this time it will definitely happen and it’s all part of a three-year project.”

Asked when they hope to get back into the top four, we were told, “2045”.

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