“I didn’t know those documents were Top Secret because I can’t read” – Donald Trump’s defence in full

author avatar by 1 year ago

Former President Donald Trump has defended himself against allegations he illegally withheld top secret documents by issuing a statement that he was attracted by the pretty red letters on the covers.

Trump, who had eleven boxes of documents about atom bombs and suchlike recovered from his home at Mar-a-Lago, told reporters that he didn’t know they were Top Secret because those are long, difficult words.

Brightly-coloured pictures of rockets, aeroplanes and tanks caught the former President’s attention and he would sit stroking them and making a soft cooing noise for hours at a time, insiders confirmed.

Trump staffers confirmed there was ’no chance’ foreign agents might access the documents at a popular beach club and bar with a high turnover of minimum wage staff.

The files were found in Trump’s personal study, where he would look at a big map of Russia with pretty pictures of silos and bunkers on it to decide where he’d like to go on holiday next year.

However, there was no danger he might reveal to contents to anyone as that would involve him understanding what they said.

Sources close to Trump said that an insider at the club had tipped off the feds, and they’d be investigating who it might have been by checking Melania’s call records.