Monday 8 August 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Viennetta on a stick will make everything alright


Vinnetta on a stick

In a world of rising inflation, Brexit, and the threat of a Liz Truss premiership, experts have concluded that the only thing that will make everything alright is a Viennetta on a stick.

The fabled ice-cream snack is rumoured to be available in some territories, but there are no confirmed plans for release in the UK.

“It’s a terrible old world at the moment,” said cloud chaser Simon Williams.

“Inflation is going through the roof, recession is on the horizon, and Nadine Dorries is STILL a government minister.

“It’s hard to see any cause for hope in such a bleak and stark outlook.

“Unless they release the Viennetta on a stick of course, then everything will be brilliant.”

Experts are urgently calling on Walls to release the snack worldwide.

“The world, more than ever, needs the Viennetta on a stick,” said Liz Heaton, Professor of ice-cream and world events.

“It would be a unifying phenomenon, something that can heal the deep divides that have formed across society, like Jesus Christ or Manchester United losing.”

There is also evidence that suggests the Viennetta on a stick could have a considerable impact on global terror.

“The West will soon be crushed under the glorious might of the new caliphate,” read a recent communique from ISIS.

“Unless they release the Viennetta on a stick, then we’ll pretty much be happy and all calm down a bit.”

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