Monday 8 August 2022

Liz Truss performs U-turn on her willingness to perform U-turns


Liz Truss u-turn on cost of living payments

Prime ministerial hopeful Liz Truss has announced a U-turn on her willingness to perform U-turns, before insisting there will be no more U-turns after her latest U-turn.

Truss has announced a U-turn on her insistence she would not introduce payments to help people during the cost of living crisis, in a move her team has been quick to label “more of an O-turn than a U-turn, as we’re back facing the way we started.”

Critics have claimed the latest U-turn is a further sign that we shouldn’t trust the words of a woman that we already shouldn’t trust, even when they say things like “trust me, I really mean it this time”.

Political analyst Simon Williams told us, “If you thought Liz Truss could introduce sensible economic policy without making a few dozen mistakes in need of almost-immediate retraction along the way, then you’re probably still cleverer than most of the people put in her cabinet.

“Clearly all she needed was all those nice people online to point out how her ill-considered policy that was based on nothing more than populist nonsense was likely to see thousands and thousands of families go cold and hungry this winter – oh, and to have enough room to perform another U-turn. Again.

“Of course, her campaign will insist this is not so much a change of mind, as the revealing of what was her original plan all along.

“But I’ll leave it up to you to determine how much of that is complete and utter bullshit.”

Poverty campaigners have welcomed the latest u-turn, insisting it could help secure the health safety of million of people struggling due to the cost of living crisis.

Voter Dave Michaelson told us, “This is a positive move, definitely – but I can’t help wondering how far away we from her u-turning again, now that she’s done a u-turn on her willingness to perform u-turns.

“I guess it all depends on how she’s feeling when she wakes up tomorrow, which is of course precisely what we want from a prime minister.”

Thick Lizzy – get the NEW mug here!

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