Full-time pyro-lunatics and occasional musicians Rammstein have announced a plan to prop up the German economy by bankrupting fans across Europe with another tour.
Germany is facing a crippling recession, but economic experts predict that fans across Europe will drop billions following the the band – potentially returning the German economy to growth by Q3.
Chancellor Olaf Scholz outlined a plan to divert scarce gas and oil reserves to Till Lindemann’s house to ensure he’s got enough to play 36 dates across Europe and possibly more in America and Asia.
“Our country may well face fuel shortages this winter, but the risk is worth it if we can drain fans credit cards globally,” Scholz told reporters whilst being bathed in a halo of flames by Richard Kruspe.
“They can power the stadium with Flakes treadmill, meaning that tour costs are kept low and the revenues return to support industry across the Rhineland.
“We’re hoping that maybe they can smelt some steel during Mein Teil as well, as that would really take the pressure off the Ruhr.”