Thursday 4 August 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Tory leadership swimsuit round rescheduled to this coming Saturday


Tory Swimsuit round

The Tory leadership swimsuit round has been rescheduled for this coming Saturday.

The last-minute change of date has seen both candidates cancel campaign events on Friday for strict regimen of shaving, buffing and plucking in preparation.

The swimsuit round is always the most anticipated event of any Tory leadership contest and is traditionally held at Blackpool’s historic Empress Ballroom. The candidates will model both one-piece and two-piece swimsuits in front of an audience of 3,000 Tory Party members, all chosen by lottery.

The reschedule is seen as a boon to Rishi Sunak’s flagging campaign.

“The swimsuit round was always going to be Rishi’s moment to shine,” said William Hague, the last person in the Tory party to still admit to supporting the former Chancellor.

“He’s a young guy, he keeps himself healthy, he’s got a lovely cheeky smile, and he looks fantastic in a bathing suit. I think this will turn the competition on its head.”

Excitement was growing amongst party members.

“Oh yes, I do love the swimsuit contest,” said 104-year-old Sir Simon Montague-Williams, a Tory party member who believes we should bring back hanging for treason and witchcraft.

“I’m interested to see how Rishi carries off a swimsuit, but the real treat will be seeing Liz in her bikini. I hope it’s a little micro one. Oh goodness, I’ve gone from six to midnight just talking about it.”

All eyes will be on Blackpool this Saturday. It is likely to prove the deciding moment in the contest, as it was in the 2019 contest with Jeremy Hunt’s disastrous mankini decision.  

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