Fresh from a hustings yesterday in which the leadership favourite said she would simply ignore the ‘attention seeking’ First Minister of Scotland, Liz Truss has taken steps today to make sure that everyone in the country and hopefully the world sees her doing exactly that.
“I want to send a clear message to Tory members that I will not tolerate any of the nonsense from that attention seeker up in Scotland,” she told press this morning, “or down in Scotland, or west in Scotland. Wherever it is.
“And the best way for me to do that is to be photographed in a number of locations wearing a variety of outfits from my dressing-up box, and looking out towards the west, or north, or wherever it is that Scotland isn’t, so that voters will be in no doubt that I’m actively not listening to Nicola Sturgeon.”
She explained, “Nicola Sturgeon may be the so-called First Minister of Scotland, but I’ve opened pork markets in China and struck a trade deal with New Zealand that is great for them and detrimental to farmers here – and what has she ever done? Nothing!
“She just keeps going on about a second independence referendum, when honestly I can’t even remember there being a first one. THAT’S how much I don’t listen to her.”
According to those close to Liz Truss, the first photo that she intends to sell to all of the tabloids will be one of her wearing her finest Margaret Thatcher cosplay gear, with her fingers in her ears in front of a photo of Nicola Sturgeon, whilst stamping on a fried Mars Bar.
Nicola Sturgeon was approached for comment but was unable to respond as she was laughing so hard.