Women’s football hooliganism ‘still has a long way to go’ admits FA

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Despite the Lionesses’ magnificent victory in the Euros, when it comes to off-pitch hooliganism, women’s football is still way behind the men’s game, according to the FA today.

Wembley Way just after the women’s Euros final: England fans walk calmly to the tube station. They exchange smiles with German supporters. They discuss dinner plans. Their children sing and dance excitedly.

“Yeah, it’s obviously disappointing,” said Simon Williams, Head of Hooliganism at the FA. “The women’s game has made great strides on the field but there is hardly any violence and hostility in the stands.

“You hear people criticising the standard of goalkeeping but that’s missing the more important problems – where are the thrown bottles, the swinging bicycle chains?

“I think the only people who ‘went home in the back of an ambulance’ were suffering from dehydration.

“Wembley was packed, and when the German national anthem was played there wasn’t a single boo. Not one. That was disappointing.

“And we’re still many years away from organised fights between hundreds of opposing fans.

“Like anything, we need to address this issue at the grassroots level.

“Primary school girls need to be taught that anyone wearing a different coloured football shirt deserves to be thrown to the ground and have their head stamped on.

“Rudimentary hand to hand combat should be part of the P.E. curriculum.

“And mums should set an example by fighting each other during weekend youth matches – nothing fancy, just an eye gouge here, a headbutt there.

“And don’t be afraid of calling someone a cunt just because you’re meeting them for brunch the following day.

“Basically, just do what the dads do.”