Sunday 31 July 2022

If the Lionesses win I will happily celebrate by sticking a flare up my arse, confirms Prince William


Prince William with arse flare

As the Lionesses prepare for their Euro 2022 final against Germany, they have been given public support by the future king of England and his willingness to celebrate with an arse-based pyrotechnic.

As President of the FA, Prince William has been keen to show his support for the lionesses, and has confirmed that if showing his support means shoving something up his arse, then he will more than willing to do it.

“This is how much the Lionesses mean to me and my family,” the Duke of Cambridge told social media users.

“We will be cheering them on at home like the rest of you in your millions, and I will keep the flare to hand so I can pop it up there the very moment the final whistle goes.”

Kensington Palace were asked what the Duke might do if the Lionesses do not, unfortunately, win the final.

A spokesperson told us, “In such an event, we imagine the country will be in need of cheering up, in which case the Duke has confirmed he will be willing to do it anyway.”

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