Thursday 28 July 2022 by Arabin Patson

Boris having a lovely time on holiday, in case you were wondering


Boris on holiday

Amid paralysing strikes, blocked ports and airports, an imploding NHS, rampant inflation and news of even worse to come this winter, Britons can boost their ailing spirits with the knowledge that the PM is having a fantastic time holidaying somewhere they could never afford.

Simon Williams, Downing Street press spokesperson, confirmed that while many Brits face the prospect of not being able to go anywhere even if they can still afford it, Boris Johnson was somewhere amazing snoring off a bottle of wine that costs more than your car.

“For security reasons, we can not reveal what yacht he is currently on or which Russian agent it belongs to, but rest assured he is not spoiling one second of it with work and that he is certainly not paying for it himself.”

Addressing the foreign press, Mr Williams explained that the British public found great solace in knowing that their leaders are living it large somewhere they themselves could never hope to go to.

“It might seem odd to outsiders, but there is nothing we Brits like more than seeing our betters live a life of luxury even as things go to shit around us.

“Take our Royal Family, for example. The closer you are to being some poor wage slave constantly on the breadline with no agency in the struggle you call a life, the more you’ll love to hear that some toffs have spent a week in a £12,000 a night luxury treehouse overlooking the Masai Mara.

“Boris sees himself as part of this tradition. A kind of royal. After all, he is where he is more based on his birth than merit.

“And before you ask, no, that’s not him wrecking small boats in Oslo.”

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