Prince Andrew bursts

author avatar by 2 years ago

The problematic Duke of York has now popped due to his inability to sweat.

Spare a thought for the vulnerable is this extreme heat – the elderly, the very young, and Prince Andrew, who cannot regulate his body temperature by sweating.

“I went to his bedroom this morning to take him his breakfast,” said Andrew’s aide Simon Williams.

“It was the usual tray – a pot of tea, an American Hot pizza and a copy of Just Seventeen from his extensive archive.

“As I approached his bed, I tripped over an electrical cable that was powering a portable fan – the plug was unfortunately pulled from the socket.

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“Andrew’s temperature immediately rose. Unable to perspire, he started to inflate.

“His head became a grotesque, silently screaming space hopper. 

“His chest inflated into two enormous breasts – even in his panic and pain he managed to shoot them a lecherous glance and lick his lips.

“His entire torso then grew and grew so that he quickly came to resemble Mr Blobby. If Mr Blobby were a nonce.

“In his last moments, his arms and legs started waving wildly like an air dancer at a car showroom.

“And then, with a surprisingly quiet popping sound, he burst.

“Not for the first time, the copy of Just Seventeen got drenched in Andrew’s bodily fluids.

“I cleaned everything up but I’m a bit worried that this happened on my watch – Her Majesty will probably be angry.

“Not that she liked him but, you know, twelve million quid for nothing…”