PM denies he’s ticking off a bucket list and takes charge of heatwave response by going swimming with dolphins

author avatar by 4 months ago

Downing Street has denied Boris Johnson has given up on governance and is working through a wishlist of taxpayer funded activities, by explaining that he is showing Churchillian mettle when getting a joyride in a Eurofighter or holding a wine tasting in Chequers.

Number 10 spokesperson, Simon Williams, said that it was a media gossip that the prime minister was trying to put as many unique and expensive experiences as possible on the state tab during his short remaining tenure, and that his boss was firmly in the reins of power.

He went on, “It’s an easy slur from people who don’t know how the government works to claim a PM should go to COBRA meetings or be dimly aware of emergencies befalling the nation.

“Insiders know that it’s perfectly possible to be an inspiring leader while your phone is off and you’re firing £2,000,000 torpedoes into a derelict fishing trawler from an Astute class submarine.

“I understand it might seem to a lay person that the PM is just getting the government to pay for fun activities like a naked swim with the dolphins of Great Yarmouth Aquarium, or getting Heston Blumenthal to host an interactive barbecuing lesson for himself and the good wife. But in reality, when the Prime Minister is using the Royal Marines brass band as a karaoke machine for his rendition of Lip Up Fatty, he is showing the innovative thinking that is needed to overcome this current crisis.

“What is it this time, by the way? Is it another disease?

“Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get a mattress and a lube dispenser installed in the Egyptology wing of the British Museum. Boris wants to play pharaohs and priestesses.”

Mr Bullshit – get the best-selling mug before it becomes a collector’s item!